Here we are then. We have our sex spatulas and our sexual deviance spanners at the ready. The ladies’ team is suitably equipped across at the other end of the village hall, and we await the opening ceremony by the Lord High Baster of the Marmosets in order to initiate this – the first village tag orgy of the new Not-Quite-Spring season.
Of course, there are some aficionados of the sport who claim that tag orgies are – by definition – not real orgies at all, as they lack the usual free-form open play that one comes to expect to see on the more traditional orgy pitch. This may indeed be true. However, I am not such a stickler for the traditions as most would believe though, and I do believe that the sport must grow and develop, experiment, try new things, if it wants to retain its position as one of the most popular - both in terms of participants and in the number of spectators – traditional rural sports.
However, many – including me – believe that it is those sheer numbers that have prevented this mendaciously interfering government of busybodies from attempting to over-regulate, or even ban the sport of rural orgying; just as they did with fox hunting, estate agent immolation and tax-inspector baiting.