Thursday, April 1, 2010

Around The Back Of The Tool Shed


Our most holy spanners are once more within our grasp as the social worker places the pickled onions on the outskirts of Droitwich for the first time this year. Now, some of you gathered here in your bespoke fetish gear, waders and perversion hats may be somewhat askance, but I’m sure either you, or a close friend, will be able to remedy that with a few small taps using one of the mallets provided.

However, please make sure the taps are turned off as we don’t want the vestibule of the village hall flooded again. Although, after the last time Old Feebletrousers did solemnly swear that in future he wouldn’t drink so much at a lunchtime again, then the postmistress released her grasp somewhat and the colour came back to his cheeks once more, although – to be honest – he is still walking with a limp these twelve months later.

Now, providing your mandolins are properly buttered once more, we can see whether the badgers will need another dose of mollification, or weather Molly can have the afternoon off to go about her business around the back of the tool shed. Those of you who wish Molly to take a hold of their tools around the back of the tool shed are asked to form an orderly queue widdershins of the tool shed and have their tool out and in hand when Molly’s assistant calls out their number.

Once your number is called you should then proceed smartly to the rear of the tool shed with your tool already in hand and await instruction as to just where Molly would like to have your tool so she can utilise it to its utmost functionality. Once you are both satisfied that your tool has functioned to both your and Molly’s satisfaction we would request that you remove yourself to a safe distance before packing your tool away, so that the next member in the queue can be eagerly accommodated by Molly.

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