Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Pencil Sharpener, The Paperclips And That Zebra Finch

Now just because you eggcups are ordered in parallel and not in series, does not necessarily mean that you will have the wining entry in this year’s Eurovision Sexy Okapi Contest, even though you have already taken the precaution of filming each of the judges in a compromising situation with a member of the clergy and a radish.

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Therefore, and this is an important point, so fondle it carefully, you will not have complete and unsupervised access to all the graph paper in the stationery cupboard ever again. Not now we have evidence of what you did with the shavings from the pencil sharpener, the paperclips and that zebra finch.

So, until you can once more demonstrate some dexterity with the ukulele and the ironing board to a suitably chosen audience of supermarket trainee managers from Droitwitch. Then play a selection of Val Doonican tunes to them without sniggering at their choice of fashionable trouserings. Also without comparing them unfavourably to the offspring that resulted from the unlikely pairing of an MP and a pre-moistened length of string, we will have little alternative but to remove the batteries from your device until you have learnt the error of your ways.

So, think on.

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