Now that our very elbows are pulsing with desire and our penguins have adopted the stance of semi-bewildered Nasturtium Diversity Outreach Co-Ordinators faced with a rather intractable semi-unmatriculated hamster dancing the tango with a chiropodist, I feel we can all easily understand the dilemma we now face.
So the question we must all be brave enough to ask ourselves during such a crisis is: do we dare switch to ITV and risk the danger of some celebrity we have never heard of doing something that doesn’t interest us for no other reason other than the fact that it gets that celebrity the holy justification of a TV appearance?
However, if not shall we go now the evening is spread out against the sky like a big spready-out sky thing and do that thing we like to do to each other’s genitalia with the spoons and the lime jelly?
Then, though, we will have to ask ourselves that big unanswerable philosophical question about Argentinean goat herders and cheeseburgers and whether ether really do look as good as we hope wearing only stockings and suspenders? Or should we, instead, go shopping for cardboard imitation bedsteads down by the trout stream next Thursday, as usual?
Answer me that, my little steak knife.