As it happens, now then, Guys and gals. Now then…. How's about that, then…? Now then….
Er… excuse me a moment….
Ah, that's better.
A sudden outbreak of the Jimmy Saviles there, I'm afraid. I do get these relapses occasionally, especially when I forget to take my anti-Savile pills for a day or two.
Anyway, as it hap…. Sorry, the pills will kick in soon.
As I was saying, today is a very special day indeed. For today is the opening day of the Little-Frigging-In-The-Wold Summer Fayre week. Today is the day when we farming folk unveil - to an expectant public - just what we have been up to in our secretive private sheds, fields and allotments that has kept us away, evening after evening, from our homes, hearths and loved ones (and - quite often - our families too) over the preceding months.
Putting all false modesty aside (you too, just put your clothes on the pile there, on top of mine) I do have a reputation to keep up. I have - of course - won the 'Most Buxom Hairstylist of the Year' award for the last seven years running*. Also, I have consistently finishing in the top three of the 'Most Nubile Hairstylist of the Year' for the last seventeen years, winning first place in ten of those seventeen years.
So I think it is safe to say that I am a force to be reckoned with in the - admittedly, rather specialised - field of show hairstylist breeding.
Of course, it is not just these 'Best of breed' competitions that will take place at the Fayre. There will - as usual - several displays by the Little-Frigging-In-The-Wold Open-Air Orgy Display Team, an 'All-Nude Orienteering and Woodland Sexual Perversions' contest, 37 beer tents, 546 cider tents and a mobile chip van.
So all-in-all, a splendid day out for all the family, especially the very thirsty ones.
*well - to be accurate - running, walking and standing still.