Friday, July 23, 2010

Blatant Naked Chin Stroking

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Let us not tarry to speak of full-frontal pondering and blatant naked chin stroking when there are matters afoot that will take us down the darkest alleys of sordid perversion that it has ever been your misfortune to know the wot of. I speak, of course, of fully-consensual toast ignoring and hot-buttered crumpet bondage.

Those of you (both) who have lead sheltered lives probably know little of the depths of depravity that humankind can sink to. You were probably brought up in respectable households where sexual perversion was seen in its true nature as something naughty, moist and pretty good fun for those who freely engage in it, providing there is plenty of marmalade, of course.

However, some people – often through no fault of their own – live poor sad lives bereft of the healing powers of a good chunky marmalade. There are even people for whom toast is not an ever-present reassuring presence in their lives. There are even some who have no knowledge of the delights of the toaster or even the grill in their poor wasted lives.

On the other hand, though, such people are not our problem and – therefore - their problems are not our problems either.

So – in future - let us speak only of moister things.

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