The donkey has that look in her eye again. Have you been reading extracts from the A-Z of Droitwich aloud to her again? I told you about that and what it can do to the mind of a young and ambitious donkey, how the bright lights and decadence of Droitwich can turn a young donkey’s head.
I knew a badger once who ventured too close to Tewksbury; he was never the same again afterwards and could never snigger at the implications of a held-aloft saveloy ever again. A sad, sad loss to the then nascent badger accountancy industry, we shall never look upon its like again, at least not until next Thursday.
So, anyway, I see you have arrived here this morning fully-equipped with your potential full nudity in readiness for this afternoon’s hands-on perversion exercises. So if you just put what clothes you have on, over there on the pile next to the reindeer.
Not that pile, especially while it is still steaming. That pile over there.
Anyway, while you get yourself acclimatised to this… er… rather bracing hillside, and the ‘nature-watchers’ in the bushes over there get their cameras, binoculars and other devices re-focused, I will just warm my hands up over this gently smouldering social worker, and then we can begin.