Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Advanced Perversions… With a Spoon


In some of the more advanced perversions undertaken by a perverteer of many years standing, or - if preferred - lying down, it often comes to pass that a spoon may come in useful.

There are many (seven at the last count) authorities on the perverted arts and sciences who insist that if a spoon is used, then it is advisable to stick to the wooden spoon. There is some validity to this point of view as those not too familiar with advanced perversions will not – perforce – be put off their stroke by a lady and/or gentleman approaching them with a look of determination whilst proffering, say, a ladle.

However, there is not a single assistant librarian of my acquaintance who has not expressed her gratitude – sometimes in rather inventive ways utilising both a chocolate éclair and a raincoat – for her gentleman partner to offer her full use of his teaspoon, should the occasion, of course, merit it.

No doubt there are some here who would wish to make use of the standard-sized tablespoon, especially for any forthcoming dalliance with, say, a post mistress, especially if the rumours of fresh cream trifle have found to have been not without some foundation.

As for approaching a brace of dairymaid and requesting a quick squeeze of their udders, that is best left to those of us more experienced in the art of perversion, despite however many desert spoons one may have has in one’s cutlery drawer.

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