Monday, August 23, 2010

The Appendage Of A Hands-Free Pole-Vaulter

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Of course after the stoat has matriculated then there is no reason at all why the trolley should not be returned to the supermarket once it has been utilized to return the hot buttered strumpet back to her usual place of residence, providing – of course – that the ring road is not too busy at that time of the afternoon.

Now, far be it from me (about 7 1/2 miles as the badger flies, or the okapi hops, but 15 miles if the donkey catches the bus) to pooh-pooh anyone’s favourite forms of sexual dalliance. That is providing everyone is entering into the spirit of things of their own free will, and all spirits ales and ciders are taken in a spirit of healthy over-indulgence in the great tradition of Grand Uncle Stagnant himself. A man whose thirst is still the subject of myths and legends in those far flung lands where he travelled in his younger days. I do believe that still – in this day and age – he is worship as a living God on several tropical island paradises and – of course - Wigan too. Places where tales are told of the great man with the thirst of many rivers and the appendage of a hands-free pole-vaulter who left women - and a fair few sheep – worn-out but with a satisfied smile on their faces that usually lasted for a week or more after he left.

Of course, these days he is far from the man he once was, but he is still able to give a brace of dairymaids a pleasurable dalliance in the hayloft each morning , even if it does require them to use some of their handling expertise to get him up and ready on the colder mornings.

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