Monday, August 2, 2010

Fully Pasteurised Penguins

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Of course, once you have acquired a brace of fully pasteurised penguins you will then need to think about what is the best sort of cricket bat to use. Do not – and here I speak from hard-won experience – try to substitute the cricket bat with a grasshopper cue, otherwise only scorn and ridicule will result as well as the danger of having your own personal supply of erotic lingerie exposed to full public scrutiny. Unless, of course, that is the sort of thing that gets your celery seasoned.

Anyway, it makes sense to make sure that both the penguins are fully recharged before trying to put the suspender belt on the mallard duck as there are times – especially on Monday afternoons – when the banjo is likely to be out of tune, especially in these warmer months.

This, obviously, may entail thinking about a barbeque, but being as this is the UK, here, even the mere thought of anyone venturing outside to cook something over hot coals is enough to anger the weather gods and make them hurl downpours upon you until your sausage is damp and hangs limply in your hand, of no use to man, beast or lightly-oiled postmistress.

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