Now, as we are in an unusually sunny period for the time of year, we have not been making much use of the hairstylist tanning sheds as we usually do. For some reason known only to themselves the hairstylists do not consider themselves to be bone-fide hairstylists until their bodies are as uniform a shade of dark brown as it is possible to get.
Sometimes this means – in a typical British summer – we do have to dip them, usually in a mixture of gravy browning and creosote, a couple of times before they consider themselves brown enough to go on the compulsory holidays that bestow the status of qualified hairstylist upon them. Only if the hairstylist bears this all-over tan of authenticity are they allowed to be sold on to the High Street hair-salons at our local farmer’s markets, alongside farm-assured lawyers, free-range accountants and other such livestock.
Because of the cold hard winter, it looks as though this year there will be a bumper crop of farm-assured lawyers to take to market. Normally this would result in a glut in the market with some of this season’s lawyers being sold below cost price to various citizen’s advice bureaux, charities, legal-aid farms and – sadly – battery no-win no-fee lawyer sheds.
However, with the unstable nature of coalitions there is the probability of an early election, so it may be possible send the excess of this year’s crop off to be politicians. Some regard such a solution as excessively cruel, and think it would be kinder - to us as well as to the poor lawyers – if we just had them culled instead.