Now don't you think that it is about time for us to take the wombat back to the shop, Maureen? I know I said I wanted it use it in the preparation for the Cost Accountant Hopscotch Eve decorations. But the wheel has fallen off and - consequently - the attachment can no longer be utilised in the manner so inadequately described on pages 9 - 2078 of the manual, in what appears to be some undiscovered new dialect of a language that bears only a superficial relationship to the English language that we know and love so well.
Yes, I do know that your mother is, indeed, due to arrive in a few days, my little chainsaw. I already have the bonfire prepared. This year there will be no need to waste time constructing an effigy.
I know it may seem unnecessarily harsh, or even cruel (although, there is very strong scientific evidence that Mothers in Law do not feel pain in the same way that we humans do), but it is essential for us, and… well… for her too. I'm sure that if she ever did stop complaining about the world in general and us in particular long enough she would - eventually - realise that she is putting us through so much unnecessary and unwelcome pain.
So, in the long run, it is probably the kindest thing we can do for her, and for us too. We must not let our natural sympathy for her plight blind us to the full extent of the legacy that she will leave for us… I mean… you. We owe it to her to use that money, and to use it to buy all those luxuries that she always denied herself.
See, you do agree, don't you? It is the kindest thing.