Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A Helping Hand or Two

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Occasionally your dairymaids may not be able to bring themselves back to themselves, especially after a mid-morning dalliance in the hayloft with Grand Uncle Stagnant, even more so if he can manage to get his wellies off beforehand.

Of course, as every fully experienced rural dweller will tell you all it needs is to apply a raspberry jelly - or if it is too early in the spring, a lime–flavoured one may be substituted – to the inner thighs of the dairymaids. This is all that is required to have them up and eager to handle whatever you thrust in front of them with that impressive dexterity and manual strength that makes dairymaids so popular wherever rural males gather when in need of a helping hand or two.

However, a word of warning, it is never advisable to attempt the same trick with an assistant librarian, as fruit flavoured jelly applied to the inner thighs is apt to make a librarian look at one somewhat askance. This is especially true when you slap down your volume for her perusal and she discovers that it is well overdue, thus preventing you from taking it out again until she is fully satisfied that your withdrawal will not be too premature.

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