Of course there have been times during the rather excessive periods of history in Britain’s glorious past when all that is great and noble in rural perversions has been – to say the least – looked upon somewhat askance by the more censorious regimes that it has been this country’s misfortune to suffer.
As every learning-enabled junior citizenship unit is – no doubt – aware, the period immediately after the English Civil war was a period when all forms of dalliance – perverse or not – was frowned upon by the puritans who took charge of the country during those dark and sad days. Puritans – as we know – eke out what joy they can from their sad constrained lives by making sure that everyone else is having as little fun as is possible, preferably whilst wearing very uncomfortable and extremely itchy underwear whilst doing so.
Under the puritans, even such benign pastimes as Pass the Watermelon, Mixed Consensual Sprout Fondling and Late Night Ewe Appreciation were banned as well as more salacious activities such as maypole dancing (much to the chagrin of Mr May who looked forward to having several of the village’s most comely maidens cavorting themselves in a wanton manner around his proudly-erect pole.
However, such is the sheer bloody-mindedness of the British populace, such interference in the doings of the population, especially when they were doing each other was soon brought to a halt, by the speedy restitution of the monarch Charlie Two, who took it upon himself to bring about the ending of the puritan era though his deft handling of Nell Gwynne’s oranges.