Friday, October 22, 2010

Arts Council Grant


I come* hot foot and moist in the groin area from a meeting with our local Arts Council representative, Phyllis Styne. She has - it seems – managed to procure a grant for our village of Little Frigging in the Wold to stage an annual Traditional Rural Perversions Fair under the auspices of the Arts Council despite the deep slashing…. savage cuts… slight grazing of the Arts council’s - and other such budgets - in the government’s recent Spending review.

Now, normally, any influx of money into the village is eagerly welcomed by all denizens of the village, whatever the source. However the Arts Council – like all bureaucracies in these benighted times – suffers under the tyrannical yoke of the dread political correctness. Therefore the grant comes with a list of conditions, provisos and other pettifogging rules and regulations about just what perversions, fetishes and so forth are permissible. Along with this, there are several sub-sections and a checklist to ensure that all Village orgies and perversion events are all fully inclusive of the ethnic mix of the area and are not prejudicial to the full involvement of all communities including the transgenered, the disabled, the terminally unorgasmic and the exceptionally over-hairy.

Such is the number of such conditions, clauses, rules and regulations that the Village Council have – after all had undergone a full sensual oils massage, happy finish and a nice cup of tea, decided to turn down the Arts Council’s free money. This, despite the facts that it was both ‘money’ and ‘free’, a concept that seems most alien to the British Rural tradition. But we on the Village Council feel that once we explain about the attempted bureaucratic interference in our free-born right to engage in each and every fully consensual perversion, then the rest of Little Frigging will understand our stance, and find it rather erotic too.


*sorry, I’ll clean it up later.

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