Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Chocolate-Coated Orgy

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We may have all the grace and elegance of hippopotami floundering about in delicate French lace underwear whilst making a blindfolded attempt to thread a startlingly obese dromedary through the eye of a needle, but we are happy. On the other hand, at least, we can demonstrate an almost convincing simulacrum of such a state.

However, village life is not without its tribulations, even in such a rural idyll as Little Frigging. Some times, it seems just an ordinary midweek orgy in the village hall, or some common everyday sexual deviation or even a humdrum perversion is not enough to lift one out of the doldrums that the dreary day-to-day routine inevitably seems to entail. I suppose that is why we have these special occasions – these various rituals, rites and ceremonies - in the village calendar. I suppose throughout history there have been these special times when the normal, the mundane, the day to day has been subverted – a holiday from the routine, if you will.

So, at this time of year – in the village hall - we in Little Frigging have a special chocolate-coated orgy where everyone in the village immerses various interesting parts of themselves into one of the vats of a variety of chocolates placed conveniently just inside the village hall doors, before progressing on through to the main village orgy room. This – of course – adds a bit of variety to what would otherwise just be another run of the mill midweek orgy. For – as I’m sure you are aware licking slowly up the inner thigh of a dairymaid is one of life’s most pleasurable experiences. However, if that inner thigh also tastes of minty chocolate, then I’m sure you will agree it can only add immeasurably to the experience. Not only that, a 70% chocolate librarian is something that everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime. It also goes without saying that witnessing our village postmistress re-enact the infamous Cadbury’s Flake advert with a fully-upstanding Strom Thighhammer must be the high spot of anyone’s orgy-going calendar.

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