Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Wind-Assisted Perversions


There are not – surprising as it may seem to one of your experience, casual disregard of underwear, wit and erudition – that many English rural perversions that make much use of the kite. This is despite the sometimes quite windy conditions that can blow the traditional English summer drizzle right into your face when trying to perform some of the more tricky perversions. For example that old familiar one involving a brace of dairymaids , a leek and assistant librarian, two shuttlecocks and a member of the clergy, thereby forcing you to pause midway through the Full Reverse Cheesemonger in order to wipe the dampness from your goggles.

The kite, of course, can be used as a way of removing your pervertee’s clothing beyond their reach and to provide wind assistance to some of the more energetic hillside-based perversions. Here I am especially thinking of such as the fully-consensual cheese roll, the strumpet in the dell and the uphill climb – for those gentlemen of that persuasion who enjoy prising each other in and out of tight-fitting clefts.

All in all then, if you are out and about on a typically bracing English day, it is probably wise then to leave the kite at home and use the space on your perversion utility belt for something which will be more use, such as a flask of nice hot tea with a choice selection of biscuits.

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