Good News! It has come to pass that my modest smallholding has been awarded the Queen’s Award for Hairstylist Husbandry, so it seems Maureen will have to buy a hat.
It is also the time of year when we should all be thinking about taking our sex spatulas in for an annual service and recalibration before the full rigours of the summer outdoor orgy and woodland perversion season gets into full swing. Imagine the social awkwardness if you are called upon to perform some woodland perversion and you discover that your sex spatulas are completely out of sync. You would not be able to hold yourself erect at the next meeting of your local amateur orgy club, that’s for sure.
It has been a quiet time with the free-range hairstylists grazing free in the Lower Upper field, but now they are showing signs of wanting to build nests in preparation for flying to foreign beach resorts to begin their mating season. So we will have to begin stocking up on magazines, chocolate, wine and DVDs in readiness.