Of course, during my absence from this… this… whatever it is, the usual mid-week and weekend all-village orgies have been carrying on as normal in the Little Frigging village hall, even in this the coldest winter in living (and/or Old Feebletrousers’) memory.
It got so cold at one village hall orgy, when the central heating was on the blink, that several of the ladies there had to take the gentlemen in hand for a cold start. Something which may have put my older reader in mind of those good old days when one’s car sometimes needed a bit of hand cranking to get it to chug along in a respectable manner.
Just like cars too, many of the gentlemen of Little Frigging, did need to ingest a certain amount of alcohol, as an antifreeze, in the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage before setting off for the village hall for that evening’s orgy. In fact, some of them need so much anti-freeze they often forgot to turn up at the village hall at all on a couple of occasions.
However, as usual, Strom Thighhammer, the village blacksmith and volunteer fireman, bravely stepped up to the crease, as it were, and took it upon himself to make sure that the ladies who had braved the cold and ventured out to the village hall orgy had not wasted their evening. He did this by doing his best to get them all warmed up for the journey home, by making sure each of them made full use of his hot poker to ensure they were fully warmed through before venturing back outside again.