Friday, February 25, 2011

Dairymaids and Mutual Satisfaction

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Of course, any gentleman of good standing who places himself in the hands of a dairymaid – or two – knows that he is in for a very gripping experience indeed. For such is the manual dexterity of those particular ladies that a gentleman will – no doubt – soon find himself overcome with gratitude for those experienced hands and the comfort they bring to him in his hour of need.

However, one should not just assume that the dairymaids have only the interests of the village menfolk at heart. For such is the rigours of the dairymaid’s calling that they have to get up in what to most of us is the middle of the night to deal with the necessities of the dairy herd. Therefore, many of the dairymaids become – through force of circumstance – just as adept at giving each other assistance whenever one of their number needs a warm helping hand of comfort in the dark and cold of the rural night time.

Now, someone had the… er… foresight to give Grand Uncle Stagnant a video camera last Christmas, and he has always had a keen interest – as regular perusers of my organ will attest – in the health and welfare of the village dairymaids. In fact, he has often put himself out in order to assist the dairymaids become more adept at the manual dexterity essential for their calling. Therefore it has come as no surprise to the rest of us in the village that Grand Uncle Stagnant has made a video diary cum documentary about the dairymaids. In particular, how they often share each other’s beds in the cold watches of the night in order to give each other a helping hand along with plenty of oral encouragement to each other in order to bring one another to a more easeful night’s rest.

Therefore I am sure that many of my faithful readers – both of you – would be more than interested in viewing this masterpiece of the video art, so sometime soon this blog will be offering each (both) of you a chance to own this cinematic masterpiece of the in-depth documentary art on DVD.

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