The EU Perversions Directorate is – it seems – becoming increasingly concerned about the danger of over-fondling in a village hall orgy context. This is despite there being no recorded cases of anyone suffering from over-fondling in the UK whatsoever. Throughout the EU itself, there is only one recorded case of a French assistant librarian complaining of being over-fondled, and that during her lunch break. She complained that the consequent damage to her pastries caused by a French gentleman being somewhat incautious about the placement of his baguette when trying to stand erect for the playing of the French National Anthem, which is played to announce the end of the statutory 7 hour French lunch break.
Of course, there is always the danger in a village hall orgy context of being over-fondled, especially by, say, a brace of dairymaids who can – if called upon – exert quite a grip. Something that has bought tears to the eyes of many a many who has failed to measure up to the exacting standards expected by well-seasoned dairymaid. That, however, id not something we feel that the EU should be poking their bureaucratic noses into, even if it is for the best of motives. We – in the rural orgy community - feel that if anyone is going to poke anything into the doings of our dairymaids it is going to be us, and us alone.