Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Relishes and Perversions

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Now, you are no doubt very familiar with how to make full use of the steak and kidney pie in an erotic context, and even very familiar with the use of the curry pattie in a village hall orgy context. In which case, I’m sure there is not much you need to know about how to integrate the double cheeseburger into your repertoire of the Perverted Arts. That is, apparently, except – as some of you have indicated – there is some doubt as to the ideal choice of relish in a full-on village orgy. There is no real settled mainstream view, however, on this matter, except to exercise caution when utilising some of the more powerful chilli-based relishes. I would also add that if you are approaching, say, your post mistress from the rear, or on the blindside, always make sure that your serving spoon is not too cold, otherwise you could end up with a relish stain or a nearby assistant librarian, which would be – to say the least – most impolite.

It is also important for each and every gentleman to make sure he knows where his outpourings of Gentleman’s Relish are going to end up before he splashes out. This is especially true if the lady does not – for example – wish to receive a dollop of his Gentleman’s Relish on her baps or her buns without adequate warning, or if she still has her mouth full from a previous dalliance.

These are, of course, only guidelines, the actual situation may vary from orgy to orgy, so it is always a good idea to check with one’s dalliance partners rather than splashing your relish about on all and sundry.

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