Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Splashing Out on a Brace of Dairymaids


Of course, any gentleman who is fortunate enough to have the company of a brace of dairymaids for the evening will, no doubt, be looking forward to splashing out on them as much as he is able until he is totally spent out. However, by then the dairymaids should be quite overcome by your generosity and be willing to be seen out in public with you, providing – it almost goes without saying – that you continue to wear the bag over your head when in their company on a public thoroughfare.

It has long been a tradition in rural communities for any gentleman walking out with a brace of dairymaids to offer them both a pearl necklace at the end of the evening as a way of showing his appreciation for their devoted attentions. This is especially the case if they have taken him warmly in their experienced hands during their evening stroll, or helped him secrete himself in their bush more to enjoy the delights of nature without starling any of the wildlife*.

Of course, for the gentleman of more specialised interests, a dairymaid or two can be more than willing to offer to whip his cream, or even – should he be a man of some significant standing in the village – a chance to have his butter churned.


*Although, any wildlife that has been within a 5-mile radius of Grand Uncle Stagnant will need quite a lot to startle it.

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