Thursday, February 24, 2011

Vegetables in a Village-Orgy Context

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Now you may be considering approaching an assistant librarian at your next village hall orgy with perhaps only a parsnip in your hand. Now, those of us who have had extensive experience of vegetable-based perversions would consider this a little too advanced for the neophyte, especially when there is no broccoli within easy reach.

For those new to vegetable-based perversions in a village orgy context, I would humbly suggest that the leek au gratin is a good starting point, especially with an assistant librarian, or brace of dairymaids, as your putative dalliance partner, or partners. Once you feel you are use to that, then I would suggest moving on to maybe a cauliflower cheese undertaking, but always remember to warm the spoon first. Furthermore, do not attempt this deviation with any lady with equestrian leanings, as the saddle is liable to slip on the cheese sauce, and an errant spur in the withers can be off-putting at the best of times.

Once you feel yourself familiar with that, especially the sometimes tricky double-reverse with the serving spoon, then it is time to move on to perhaps the parsnip, or even the swede*, providing – of course – that you can interest a post mistress in your spring cabbage.

 

*Here, of course, we refer to the vegetable (as illustrated), not the person of North European descent. However, some of the ladies of the village have reported some successful dalliances with Swedish plumbers, but that is beyond the scope of this article.

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