Wednesday, March 30, 2011

All-Village Weekend Orgy Tea-Breaks

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Of course, it goes without saying, although I am going to say it anyway, that all manner of subjects come up for discussion during the statutory tea breaks taken part-way through any all-village weekend orgy in the village hall. Obviously as this is England, the subject of the weather is one of perennial fascination. Especially the way the drizzle runs down the backs of your legs and fills up your wellies whenever engaged in any meadow-based perversion, Such As Nine Men (And A Brace Of Dairymaids) Went To Mow, Bringing In The Strumpets, A-Fondling We Will Go, and so forth.

Then there is – typically at this time of year – the unexpected frost and how it can nip at the exposed buds and shoots, and the best form of precautions to avoid such mishaps, like covered the exposed areas of your postmistress with a bit of old sacking. Old Feebletrousers swears by (and sometimes at) a good mulching of your assistant librarian, but he is a bit old fashioned that way.

Of course, during the day of English Summer, anyone interested in outdoor perversions has to be aware of the dangers of sunburn on the exposed areas, especially those areas not used to exposure to the elements, such as Grand Uncle Stagnant’s under-vest area. However, the ladies of Little Frigging have found an ingenious solution to this difficulty by asking our local volunteer fireman Strom Thighhammer to give them a good hosing down if they feel they are getting overcome in the heat.

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