Thursday, March 10, 2011

Stirrings in the Bush


Now as the spring approaches the thoughts of the denizens of Little Frigging quite naturally turn to nature and - of course – how to involve it in as many of the perverse arts and sciences as possible, hopefully involving a well-lubricated postmistress and a couple of generous handfuls of dairymaids.

Of course, for those of a more cautious nature the return of spring means that any stirrings they feel now beginning will take place in the undergrowth, out of the way of prying eyes. However, for those of a more robust cast of mind, the longer spring evenings mean they can get out and about and give those same prying eyes something worth looking at, and quite possibly something worth taking notes on.

Of course, as this is England, and as it is spring, this means that the usual daily drizzle will have a touch of the cold of winter about it. Therefore, I – for one – would suggest that it is a good idea to take one’s fetish mittens and a flask of hot tea with one when one is about to attempt to become one with one (at least) other during one’s peregrinations out in the heart of nature’s wonders.

Speaking of wonders of nature, spring is a particular favourite time of the year for our local blacksmith and volunteer fireman Strom Thighhammer, who as soon as he notices the first stirrings in the bush is eager for the ladies of the village to take him in hand so they can feel the sap rising together.

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