Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The UK Perversions Ministry

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Although it was not said at the time, it is now felt that the UK Perversions ministry as run by the recent Labour government, under John Prescott, was a complete failure. It now seems that the only perversion the department, under Prescott’s control, came up with involved a flat cap, a whippet and a waterbed.

It has also been revealed that the ministry wasted several million pounds trying to develop a croquet-based open-air perversion involving croquet hoops, a brace of MP’s research assistants and a mallet, but it came to nothing when other European partners pulled out.

The French, instead, decided to concentrate on a boules-related perversion, perhaps using some new high-technology onion strings and the Germans preferred to concentrate their efforts on some deviation involving a long thick sausage, a dental hygienist and a plate of sauerkraut.

However, the UK is still involved in the European large hard-on collider project, but it is felt that this will only be really of interest to those gentlemen interested in stage musicals, soft furnishings and the Eurovision song contest.

Unfortunately, it now seems that the UK is been overtaken in high-technology perversions like intimate massage devices with built in MP3 players, 3G and satnav, being developed in the Far-East. This will enable both (or more) partners involved in a perverted dalliance to have a tune to get them in the mood, and have the ability to update immediately their orgasmic status on Facebook and/or Twitter with the time and position of their dalliance, with optional photos, to within a 3-metre radius.

The new government, however, has immediately decided to act, and has almost come to some decision about whether or not they may – in the fullness of time – have an inquiry into whether or not they should consider whether or not they are going to consider the long term feasibility of continuing with the department… or not. Closing the department should – in this time of government cuts – save many millions of pounds, but since most of the department’s budget under Labour was spent keeping Prescott in the pies he was accustomed to, then the cost savings these days would not be anywhere near as great.

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