Friday, April 1, 2011

On the Use of Condiments in an All-Village Orgy


Of course, once you have your cake shop manageress garnished with a sprig of fresh parsley and ready to serve on the counter, it is just a matter of choosing what kind of condiments and salad dressing best suits the lady herself.

Many people thee days, especially when they are short of time – say near the end of a Saturday night all-village orgy at around the time Match of the Day is about to start, will often choose a proprietary brand of salad cream. However, those of us with a more discerning palate, often prefer our cake shop manageress with a liberal coating of freshly-made salad oil, ideally of our own recipe. This is especially the case if you are presenting your cake shop manageress on a bed of lettuce, for the delectation of other orgy-goers.

However, while Grand Uncle Stagnant swears that the best way to enjoy a brace of dairymaids is in the simplicity of the old-fashioned way of just salt, vinegar and a pickled egg. He does, however; warn against the used of the pickled onion in such a situation as it has a habit of rolling off the dairymaid and under the piano at the back of the village hall. Consequently, having to move the piano in order to retrieve the errant pickled onion, especially after a full-on dalliance with a brace of salted and vinegared dairymaids is more than can be expected of a man of Grand Uncle Stagnant’s age, especially so close to closing time at The Pervert’s Appendage.

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