Friday, June 10, 2011

The Full English

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Many visitors to our English rural heartlands from foreign parts – or even as far away as Wolverhampton – are sometimes confused by the signs outside some of our rural village cafés, restaurants, cake shops and other such places offering patrons ‘The Full English’. Of course, those of you (both) who regularly peruse my organ will be more than familiar with such staples of the perverted arts and sciences of rural Britain. Consequently, you will be more than familiar with this usage of the hot sausage, optional black pudding, the chance to dip your fried bread and the waitress offering you her warm baps to wipe your plate clean afterwards.
Of course, as with most such descriptions ‘The Full English’ can be very different in each place you visit. In many places, of course, the ladies - and any gentlemen with an interest in musical theatre - will be offered hot sausage, polony or black pudding, depending upon which is that particular chef’s menu item of choice.
Gentlemen will – of course – be offered a wide choice of warm and moist delicacies in which they will be encouraged to dip their fried bread and anything else they wish to enjoy.
Furthermore, both ladies and gentlemen will be offered – of course – a chance to spread some butter and marmalade over whatever takes their fancy from the rack on the table. They will as well be offered a chance to dunk their biscuits should they still feel they need something to round off their repast and to set themselves up for the rest of the day.
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