Sometimes it seems that there are some gentlemen approaching an all-village orgy in the village hall with something approaching trepidation, feeling that they will not measure up to the standards the ladies of the village have come to expect. This is something that can concern most menfolk, especially if they have been in the near vicinity of a proud upstanding gentleman such as Strom Thighhammer, or even Grand Uncle Stagnant himself, famed throughout Europe in the immediate post-WWII period as the best hands-free pole vaulter in the world.
However, despite what concerns the menfolk have about how well they will measure up to the expectations of the ladies, they should not be too concerned. As we all know – or ought to know – it is not how well-polished a gentleman's sex spatulas are, it is how he wields them that matters. Many ladies of my acquaintance have expressed to me how disappointed they have been when a man with otherwise exemplary sex spatulas, or a salami any man would be proud to possess wields them with all the dexterity and finesse of a drunkard attempting to insert his card into a cash machine, or someone attempting to manoeuvre a recalcitrant hippopotamus through a turnstile.