Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Post-Orgy Pizza Preparations

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It seems obvious enough, but one should always approach a putative village orgy partner with due care and attention, especially if you are clutching your salami in hand ready for the post-orgy pizza preparations. In fact, it is always best to confirm it is in fact your salami you are clutching, especially if the canteen manageress charged with the preparation of the post-orgy pizza had removed her glasses when in the midst of her more energetic orgiastic philanderings.

Caution should also be exercises by those ladies tasked with the grating of the cheese, especially if some of the orgying participants have still not quite come to a mutually-satisfying conclusion. An errant cheese grater wielded too close to the naked posterior of a very active orgy participant can cause much undo soreness and add some rather unwelcome flavours to the grated cheese, especially if the enthusiastic orgyer is Grand Uncle Stagnant and he is still wearing his best orgying wellies. The taste of well-cooked shredded rubber on one’s pizza slice is not easy to forget, even after several pints of Old Resuscitator in the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage, and here I speak from personal experience.

Speaking of pizza-related post-orgying mishaps, I should perhaps warn the more enthusiastic of you that it is always best to make sure the cheese has cooled sufficiently before attempting to engage in any pizza-related perversions, or even a quick game of hunt the olive, as cooked cheese can get very hot indeed. The nurses at the local A&E unit are tempted to get a bit suspicious of persons turning up on a regular basis with severe Mozzarella burns to their intimate areas, and – once again – here I speak from personal experience.

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