Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Village Orgies and Salad Dressing


Out on the Inter-Village Orgy pitch there is not often time to get your assistant librarians fully oiled-up before they have to defend against a free fondle for the opposing team, so sometimes it does make sense to have a bottle of salad dressing available for such purposes. It can also be useful if your leading scorer develops the dreaded itchy-knee just before trying to press home his advantage on the opposing defender's blind side.

Salad dressing is – as I'm sure a perverteer of your vast experience and knowledge is no doubt aware – an essential item for almost all village orgy situations, especially if it is rumoured that a scotch egg may be utilised by the canteen manageress to satisfy the cravings of those for whom the pork pie, with optional piccalilli, is not quite perverse enough.

However, it is advisable that the salami is best left to those ladies more experienced in dealing with matters of such size and girth, as any lady who is familiar with Strom Thighhammer and his capabilities will no doubt attest, especially if they try to walk home afterwards. This is – of course – why it is always advisable to have several wheelbarrows available at the village hall on village orgy nights, as it is possible that some attendees could find themselves completely overcome by the intensity of the experience and incapable of making their way homewards under their own steam without the danger of them falling unconscious into the duck pond.

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