Monday, July 4, 2011

Edification for the Neophyte Perverteer

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Of course, when approaching a village hall orgy for the first time, a neophyte perverteer is bound (if they are that way inclined they should remember to bring their own rope) to feel a bit apprehensive, especially if they have spent the previous few hours attempting to feel themselves in readiness for the big day.

Obviously, it does make sense to make sure that your sex spatulas are cleaned and polished, for it does make a good impression to regular orgy-goers when they see a newcomer has made sure their sex utensils are well-cared for. There is nothing likely to put off a well-seasoned (I prefer a light vinaigrette oil and a hint of black pepper myself) perverteer than espying a pair of grubby sex spatulas poking out from a newcomer's sex utensil rucksack. Should you wish to take your own, rather than use those provided at the village hall, it also makes sense to make sure the spring in your sex pogo-stick is well-oiled too as there is nothing quite so off-putting to regular orgy-goers as the amateurish sound of squeaking springs, which will - quite often – put even the most experienced orgy attendee off his or her stroke, often in the crucial moments before the cucumber sandwiches are ready to be served, thus often leading to an unseemly rush towards the pork pies.

It also helps to be patient when in the queue to get your orgy card marked by the more popular regular orgiastic attendees, prodding, say, a cake shop assistant in the back in your eagerness to get your card marked can sometimes result in all manner of unforeseen mishaps, and it is never very edifying to have to spend a large part of one's first village orgy having to make amends with the mop and bucket.

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