Saturday, July 2, 2011

Indispensable Rural Perversion Tips

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Well, obviously when thinking about such rural village-specific perversions as Well Undressing it always helps if you make sure your bucket is within easy reach, especially if your post mistress has been pre-oiled in readiness. This is vital if there is any chance of an unexplained outbreak of Morris dancing, even though this is not as common as it was during the Heyday of British Leyland, of course, especially considering the terpsichorean limitations of the Morris Marina.

Speaking of commons, it should be obvious that the picnic table should always be left in the state you found it, as the country code insists, and you should make sure that you have not left a fully-disrobed and satiated assistant librarian asleep upon it, or – in the case of grand Uncle Stagnant – asleep under it.

You should also – in a rural village perversion context – make sure that you are fully cognisant of the half-day closing times of the village shops as it is always disappointing and deflating to find yourself – say – outside the village cake shop with your cream horn wilting in your hand only to discover the cake shop manageress has put her baps away and shut up shop for the afternoon.

Furthermore, any lady who has requested the assistance of a shepherd to get her pie filled will know that it is vital to give him his crook back after he has serviced her, as well as to make sure that she is able to withdraw her legs from down the front of his wellies in plenty of time for him to recover before he goes off to meet his favourite ewe.

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