Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Fully-Equipped Village Orgy Essentials

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Fairly obviously it is not always easy to get all the equipment one would like into the average sized village hall, especially when - for example – Grand Uncle Stagnant and his brace of dairymaids fancy a quick turn on his combine harvester.

However, in some cases the village hall can be made compatible with many other of the perverted arts by – for example – using a hosepipe and a trampoline, first making sure that the vol-au-vents are protected from any splashing, of course. For those interested in the more, shall we say 'well-moistened' perversions, including those who like to don their waders for a bit of (very) coarse fishing, will of course need more room to get their rods out than is usually the case in the more modest village hall and will benefit from being ensconced on the river bank and/or edge of the duck pond, depending on whether any of the ladies wish to don their fishnets in readiness for getting their hands on the catch of the day.

Obviously, no village orgy would be complete without full and frank access to a pork pie for all attendees. Although, there may – by force of circumstance – have to be a queue for the piccalilli, especially for those wanting to use it for more intimate purposes, perhaps in order to add a bit of a tang to the vestments of the village church choir.

For those who take an interest in chastisement, of course, the village hall orgy committee should always make sure there is enough room - for those who wish to - to swing a cat and/or give a badger a turn on the see-saw.

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