Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Grand Uncle Stagnant and his Ablutions

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Obviously, when England is basking in its summer day and the drizzle feels warm upon the skin it is not unusual to see rather more of Grand Uncle Stagnant than normally would be the case. Those of a more robust constitution and disposition can often see him on that one hot day of the English summer, disrobing himself right down to his wellies on the banks of the river Teeb, in order for the dairymaids to give him a thorough scrubbing. Those of you familiar with the Little Frigging dairymaids – and there can't be that many left who they have not been very familiar with – know what a fine pair of scrubbers they can be.

Obviously a perverteer of Grand Uncle Stagnant's long – and surprisingly firm (for his great age) – experience does need plenty of attention from the scrubbers, especially in the usually tricky to reach under-vest area, which rarely sees daylight even during some of the more intense all-village outdoor orgies on the village green at the height of the summer.

Consequently, as a matter of Health and safety for the rest of us undergoing an orgiastic experience in the near vicinity of Grand Uncle Stagnant, and his aforesaid vest, it becomes a matter of some necessity that his ablutions are undertaken beforehand. Therefore in order to show the gratitude of the rest of the orgy-goers, Strom Thighhammer, our village volunteer fireman, has taken it upon himself to insist that once the scrubbers have completed Grand Uncle Stagnant's ablutions, Strom should – in turn – give both dairymaids a very thorough seeing-to with his hose.

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