Friday, October 21, 2011

Strom Thighhammer and the Large Hard-On Collider

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Unfortunately, for the last fortnight or so, the ladies of Little Frigging have all been rather downcast, no matter what I and the rest of the proudly-upstanding gentlemen of the village have done to buck their ideas up.

It seems that the ladies are more than a little put out that our very own village blacksmith and volunteer fireman, Strom Thighhammer has been co-opted by the UK's scientific establishment to be this country's representative at the Large Hard-On Collider on the Swiss/German border.

The scientists felt that this country needed a man of Strom's impressive standing in order to compete with the other countries involved in the vita research at the well-known Porn facility, where the Hard-On Collider is situated.

This vital scientific work has been undertaken in an attempt to understand the true nature of the sex particle, especially the - currently theoretical - Friggs (or 'bouncy bosom') particle that is believed to be responsible for the strong sexual attraction force.

As you are probably aware, the work is carried out in a long circular tunnel underneath the facility. There, dairymaids and cake shop assistants from every country in Europe are made to circle around in this tunnel, with the scientists all eagerly waiting for them to collide with the gentlemen of very good standing who wait in various parts of he tunnel manfully manipulating themselves in order to emit the sexual attractor particles that will pull the ladies towards them.

Once the attractive force between the dairymaids (say) and the gentleman of impressive standing has resulted in a collusion of the sexual organs of the two (or in some situations more than two) participants the scientists at the facility then spend several days minutely examining the pictorial evidence of the collision. The scientists claim they do this in an attempt to locate, identify and isolate the elusive sex particles responsible for the attractive forces that resulted in the collision.

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