Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Seasonal Fetish Gear


Anyway, now that the festering season is well over and even the sales of seasonal fetish gear are drawing to a close, with sales of holly-based bondage harnesses seemingly being far greater than anyone would have suspected, as well as erotic reindeer dressing up kits again at a seasonal high.

Snow-based perversions have – due to global warming – once more seemed very popular, especially with the added piquancy of sleigh balls and thermal jockstraps for the more well-blessed gentleman who finds it a bit too snug when he – as tradition dictates – attempts to tuck it into the tops of his wellies.

As for the ladies, fetish mittens are – of course, essential – as well as the new Splodge and sons Pulsating Penguin 2100 with built in intimate warming circuits and fur-lined handgrips and ankle-rests, as well as a laser-guided sight for pinpoint accurate pleasurable sensations.

Not only that, for the lady who enjoys having a well-rounded bearded gentleman ensconced in her smouldering orifice in the small hours of the night there are costumes available for that very purpose, including a large sack for him to empty into her stockings at the moment of crisis.

All in all then, the sales of these goods in the post-festive season all points to something more than just flying reindeer to pique the interest once next Christmas comes around, so if you hurry you may just be able to get your mittens on someone’s cheap baubles before the shops clear the stocks away for another year.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Up before Dawn


As you are aware, especially if he has prodded you in the back in the village orgy half-time buffet queue, Grand Uncle Stagnant is a fine upstanding gentleman, despite his advanced age. He, himself, puts his longevity down to always getting it up before Dawn in the mornings. Dawn herself regards this as rather a good thing too, except when he prods her awake out of a particularly intriguing dream in order for her to admire his accomplishment.

If you are a regular peruser of my organ, you will also be very aware that Grand Uncle Stagnant doesn’t believe that advanced age should be any bar to putting yourself about a bit. Therefore, most mornings, once Dawn has set off to help Rosie practice her fingerings, Grand Uncle Stagnant goes about assisting the dairymaids in order to improve their grip and wrist action ready for the next time the cows are in the milking shed.

Not only does he do all he can – and as often as he can – to keep his body in fine fettle, Grand Uncle Stagnant is a firm believer in keeping his mind active too. Therefore, during the lunch hour, he is often engaged in the traditional philosophical debates that take place every day in the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage, before taking the afternoon off for some much needed rest and resuscitation with a brace of dairymaids in the haystack, before preparing himself for that evening’s orgy in the village hall.