Thursday, January 12, 2012

Up before Dawn


As you are aware, especially if he has prodded you in the back in the village orgy half-time buffet queue, Grand Uncle Stagnant is a fine upstanding gentleman, despite his advanced age. He, himself, puts his longevity down to always getting it up before Dawn in the mornings. Dawn herself regards this as rather a good thing too, except when he prods her awake out of a particularly intriguing dream in order for her to admire his accomplishment.

If you are a regular peruser of my organ, you will also be very aware that Grand Uncle Stagnant doesn’t believe that advanced age should be any bar to putting yourself about a bit. Therefore, most mornings, once Dawn has set off to help Rosie practice her fingerings, Grand Uncle Stagnant goes about assisting the dairymaids in order to improve their grip and wrist action ready for the next time the cows are in the milking shed.

Not only does he do all he can – and as often as he can – to keep his body in fine fettle, Grand Uncle Stagnant is a firm believer in keeping his mind active too. Therefore, during the lunch hour, he is often engaged in the traditional philosophical debates that take place every day in the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage, before taking the afternoon off for some much needed rest and resuscitation with a brace of dairymaids in the haystack, before preparing himself for that evening’s orgy in the village hall.

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