Thursday, March 29, 2012

Theoretical Erotica


Those of us with a vast… experience of the erotic arts and sciences will – of course – know that putting an assistant librarian (or - even better – two assistant librarians) in the same room together with have a myriad of erotic possibilities unfold before them, not often seen outside of some of our more considered solo-imaginings.

However, that is of nothing compared to any lady’s experience of applying pineapple rings to a fully-upstanding gentleman, especially if that woman is herself an experienced dairymaid with all the deft fingerings that following such a trade bestows upon its adherents.

However, some recent work in the theoretical aspects of the erotic arts and sciences at the University of Little Frigging has produced certain theories about the use of cucumber slices for enhancement of the erotic experience. As Einstein’s famous equation E=MC2 (where E= erotic potential, M= melon and C2 = a brace of cake shop manageresses) only a small amount of fruit or vegetable is enough to produce enough erotic potential for a more than satisfying dalliance. In Einstein’s case he used melon, but any comparable fruit or vegetable can be used, just as any other person or persons can replace the cake shop manageresses with out any significant loss of erotic potential (except in the case of MPs, of course).

This, of course, means that far more fruit and vegetables can be used for erotic purposes than has up to now been the case, thus leaving plenty left over for use as salad materials or mixed fruit salad for the village orgy half-time buffet table.

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