Thursday, April 19, 2012

Crowd Saucing

clip_image002

Of course, for an entire village hall orgy, it is probably best to obtain catering-sized containers of sauce, if the current mass perversion – such as the Bacon Bap Layering or the Hot Sausage Insertion is contemplated. This is especially the case at competitive synchronised orgiastic levels, say as a summer fete display by the village synchronised orgiastic display team. Although, in such situations it is wise to use caution in the amount of sauce used, especially in places where the synchronised orgiastic display team are about to disport their pogo-sticks.

It should also be remembered that there is the danger of colour-clash especially where red leather or red rubber fetish gear is used alongside that otherwise excellent form of crowd saucing – tomato ketchup.

Care should also be taken - some of us feel - in the use of brown sauce for certain perversion, erotic acts and even some sandwiches on the half-time buffet table. As for sweet pickle, there is a time and a place for that, usually involving a brace of dairymaids and an egg whisk – however that is beyond the scope of this article.

Obviously, many ladies at a crowded village orgy will be more than familiar with the many white sauces on offer and a gentleman would be advised to remember that for some ladies a small dollop is much batter than a copious flood, especially when she has a number of partners waiting for the next lady’s-excuse-me.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Little Frigging Riding Stables

clip_image001

Many of the ladies of Little Frigging spend a lot of their free time over at the Little Frigging riding stables, owned and run by our very own champion rider, Jenny Moist-Gusset. As with most rural women, the ladies of Little Frigging enjoy getting back in the saddle for a good ride, preferably one with a fair amount of jumps that have them bouncing up and down on their saddle in a most invigorating way and one which us students fascinated by the human body in motion and the way gravity affects the bouncy bits find hypnotically fascinating. I – for one (usually a quick one while the wife, Maureen, is out polishing the volunteer firemen’s helmets) - love to study slow-motion film of a lady in the midst of a satisfying ride as her wobbly bits ebb and flow like a sea meeting a shoreline.

Anyway, for persons of a different cast of mind, Jenny Moist-Gusset offers a way to become more understanding of the equine mindset, in order to bring a certain amount of empathy to the human/horse relationship by offering the chance for those people to become ponygirls or ponyboys, offering both paddock and stable based experiences of an intensity guaranteed to bring a sheen to their fetlocks. So, if you have ever fancied getting the bit between your teeth and enjoy the idea of a good ride out in the Great British countryside, you know where, and when, to come.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Atop the Peak

clip_image001

When a man and/or woman stands atop the peak of Greater Frigging Tormounthillbank and looks about in the dawn’s early light, it is possible to see the village of Little Frigging and its environs spread out all around below.

For example, getting abreast of the peak in these early mornings, it is possible to see the University of Little Frigging as the cows are taken from the shed to graze in the fields while the eager students (if that is not an oxymoron) are herded in through the other door as the lab assistants in their white coats and wellies hurriedly mop up the leavings of the cows, which are often more academically credible than the leavings of most of the students, whose essays often have more in common with the leavings of the bulls than the cows.

Further along the village of Little Frigging itself nestles in a gentle curve of the river Teeb, where those with good eyesight can see the scattered bodies of the denizens of Little Frigging who did not entirely make it all the way home from the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage the previous evening, and – no doubt worn out by the rigorous philosophical mass debates that usually end an evening in the pub - sleep where their exhausted bodies fell, often still clutching the remnants of their late-night kebab or takeaway in their insensate hands.

Down at the village cake shop, even this early in the morning the cake shop manageress Fanny Knickerless, and her assistants will be getting their hot baps out for the delectation of their first customers on that fine morning.

Further on up the riverbank, sitting apart from the rest of the village, there lies the cottage of the Teeb Hags. This is where the old crones, known as the Teeb Hags, perform their mystical ancient ceremony which has, over the centuries, become known as Teeb Hagging. This highly mystical Teeb Hagging ritual has been utilised by generations of old hags as a method of restoring the full rigours of passion to those denizens of the village who suffer with flagging relationships.

These are just a few of the delights awaiting the curious hill climber, and as we know many such ramblers are often very curious indeed, when they visit, and – most importantly - spend their money, in the delightful rural paradise that is Little Frigging in the Wold.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Eroticism and the Village Duck Pond

clip_image002

The erotic potential of the village duck pond is not, of course, limited to those who are aroused by the possibilities inherent in the sensuous utilisation of a mallard feather, there are many other ways a village duck pond can be used to enhance the sensuality of an erotic dalliance, and not only by ensuring that the other participants have to stay upwind of Old Feebletrousers.

For those who enjoy a lot more moistness in their get-togethers than is normally the case, the village duck pond is an ideal location: not only is it out in the invigorating open-air, it does remove the risk of getting an errant appendage stuck in the taps. However, for some ladies who like the attentions of the village fire service to remove a stuck toe from the hot tap, this could be seen as somewhat of a disadvantage. On the other hand though, it does prevent the firemen from having to queue outside the bathroom for them all to get a turn at rescuing the distressed and pre-moistened damsel as much as she so ardently demands.

For those with an interest in erotic arousal through wearing rubber, the duck pond does allow the use of wet suits, and – for those of more specialised tastes the flippers. However, participants should be aware of the dangers of getting their snorkel bogged down in a muddy bottom… unless they like that sort of thing of course.

These are just a few of the erotic possibilities of the village duck pond, for those villages blessed with a larger pond, of course, there is always a chance for a gentleman to get his pole out, for many ladies do enjoy a good poling in the punt. Alternatively, for someone wishing to put his oar in, then no doubt the ladies will be willing to help adjust his rowlocks.