Many of the ladies of Little Frigging have been very keen - of late – to join a course, run by our very own volunteer fireman Strom Thighhammer, in the village hall. The course, of course, is a First Aid course, enabling the women to come to the assistance of any gentleman – or lady, for that matter – who has been overcome by events, especially in the weekly village orgy, or suffered a similar fate on the Inter-Village Orgy pitch. The ladies are all very keen to take part, I’m told, because Strom very bravely puts himself out for the ladies to practice on, as he gives them expert tuition in how to perform the kiss of life on any flagging gentleman the ladies happen to come across.
Such has been the success of the course, that it has been many months since any gentleman has had to retire from the weekly village orgy due to becoming overcome. However, there have been some reports than the gentlemen players in the Little Frigging Inter-Village orgy team have taken to requesting a precautionary kiss of life from the lady spectators at the pitch side when ever they feel they are flagging and doubt if they will be able to keep it up for the rest of the match. Although there is no rule expressly forbidding a spectator from helping to revive an injured player, some feel that this course of action does tend to go against the spirit of the game and have requested that the League Association come up with a ruling, which I’m sure those of us on the relevant committee will rule upon when all interested parties have submitted their
plain brown envelopes… evidence.