Thursday, June 6, 2013

Boating and the Erotic Arts and Sciences

As an island nation, the British have always felt at home on the water, even those of us in the rural heartland a long way from the sea, like to spend a warm summer afternoon on the river: poling a punt, getting our oar in and impressing, say, as assistant librarian with the flexibility of our rowlocks.

However, there are some who enjoy their perversions on the high seas, despite the danger of having one's spinnaker half-shafted. For example, my dear wife Maureen herself likes nothing better than getting all at sea with a brace of matelots in the scuppers, although she also likes hanging around on the docks hoping for some rough handling by a bunch of well-greased dockers.

There are some who like nothing better than getting hands on a few of the more unusual rudder deviations and like nothing more than getting a cake shop manageress down in their cockpit where they can pore over a chart or two together and enjoy that most erotic of ship-board delights such as listening to the shipping forecast, especially when there is a chance of a backing south-easterly in Cromarty, or for the more advanced perverteer – a slight or moderate Dogger.

Also, for those who enjoy rough sex there is no greater delight than to be tossed by the ocean waves or blown by a Gail.

However, for those who like water-sports, there are a number of perversions that will more than satisfy their thirst for such experiences, especially when the water skis are utilised to further one's need to enjoy riding the waves at speed, especially whilst wearing a wet suit.

However, they should not attempt to wear the traditional bowler hat with the suit as it has been known to annoy the guillemots.

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