Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Inter-Village Orgy of Yore

Of course, back in the early days of Grand Uncle Stagnant's inter-village orgy career the game was very different to the event we know and love today.

Back in those days, for example, it was regarded as rather ungentlemanly for a player to wear shin pads, especially during the Ladies' Excuse Me, or even when the opposition had full possession of both the chicken and the marital aids (as they were then known).

Back then it was certainly possible for a lady to be sent for an early bath if she showed more then a glimpse of ankle during the penalty grope awarded for being caught offside without a parasol, especially if the umpire had a new bottle of bubble bath he needed to sample.

However, the half-time pork pie still exists as a dressing room staple – and, of course - dressing room staples are quite useful for any alterations to the team sheet, or tactical notes, needed when faced with an unexpectedly stiff opposition, especially in the rear defensive ends.

Back in those days too, the balls used to be much heavier – hence the use of wheelbarrows on the pitch by the gentlemen more well-blessed in this area as they raced down the wing ready to receive the full attention of the full centre half -forward backs in the scrum.

Back in those days too, the penalty shoot-out was unknown as a way of resolving a match that ended in a tie at full time, especially during the inter-village orgy cup. Drawn matches in those days had to be replayed until a result which favoured one team or the other was achieved, even when there was no-one left standing on the pitch and all the lubricant had been used.

Good old days, indeed!

Post a Comment