Friday, August 16, 2013

Common Law

Several (at the latest count – nearly one) of my interlocutors have expressed surprise - and wonder - at the point I raised recently in the snug of The Pervert's Appendage. However, putting that to one side, where it rests easily against the inner thigh, I would like to take an opportunity to discuss England's great tradition of Common Law.

First – obviously, it will be necessary make sure that we are in a lawyer-free zone, and there is no chance of any lawyer coming within earshot. Thus making us liable to pay the fees that any lawyer naturally incurs by being in the vicinity of a non-lawyer.

As Maureen often attests, however, I am as common as muck and consequently – as a male of the species – regard myself as an expert on a multitude of matters. Despite having – at best – little more than a passing acquaintance with their intricacies and foibles. One of those matters is of course the common law.

I spend a great deal of time out on the common, often on my own, or sometimes taking the Little Frigging Inter-Village orgy squad out for a training session. Therefore, I do know a lot about the law relating to the common, and especially such matters as grazing one's sheep, or even hairstylist, on common land. As well as the legal liabilities incumbent on anyone who – accidentally or otherwise – backs a postmistress into a thicket, pollarding with a pair of assistant librarians in a manner likely to case severe curtailment of a police officer's tea break and secreting in a post mistress's bush without due care and attention, also how to avoid getting on the wrong side of a woodsman’s chopper.

Speaking of the common and the law naturally leads us onto the vexed subject of dogging and other related matters. But as long as you keep your dogging partner(s) on a lead, then the law cannot touch you, although several wild lawyers may take photographs. However, as long as they keep at a distance you should be spared any unfortunate outpourings of litigation as long as you keep to the designated areas.

Mind how you go.

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