Sunday, November 3, 2013

Accident and Emergency


There is always the chance that during a weekday – or, especially - a weekend orgy in the village hall, that someone may suffer an injury. This is particularly the case when the pogo sticks are in use, or the nipple clamps get a little rusty around the hinges. That is why our village doctor, Minnie Strayshuns, and her practice nurse, Pam Purring, are always available to anyone throughout the entire orgy. They are there on the scene for minor ailments such as a stubbed toe, which they can treat on the spot. But they are also able to assist with more serious complaints such as the dreaded itchy knee.

Minnie Strayshuns and Pam Purring are always more than ready to lay their hands on any gentleman's predicament and to offer a helping hand or oral relief to any lady in need of aid to bring herself to fulfilment.

Of course, for more serious injuries there is always the local ambulance service. They are able to take an injured orgy-goer to the A&E department at Titten-Growper General Hospital. For example, Old Feebletrousers, last weekend, did not look both ways before attempting to pole-vault over some villagers engaged in a game of Naked Twister at one end of the village hall. He incautiously placed the end of his pole in a pool of excess baby oil, thus causing him to crash into the half-time buffet table and seriously compromised his baguette.

However, the ambulance crew stopped off at The Pervert's Appendage, on the way to the hospital on Old Feebletrouser's insistence that he needed a little pick-me-up. They emerged seven hours later from the snug of The Pervert's Appendage into the car park. However, neither of the ambulance crew could remember the way to the hospital. Nor could they remember which of the three ambulances they could see in the pub car park was the one they'd arrived in. SO they decided to return to the snug and await rescue. Eventually, when the pub ran out of beer they were able to return to what now resembled the single ambulance they’d arrived in. Thus they were then able to take Old Feebletrousers to the A&E department where he was pronounced a miracle of evolution and taken to the Upper Thyghspreader Wildlife Park, where he is now a major visitor attraction there.

This just goes to show the importance of always having medical staff in the vicinity when about to engage in anything more strenuous than making a cup of tea.