Sunday, March 17, 2013

Nips in the Air

As the winter weather continues its icy grip on the neither regions of the villagers of Little Frigging in the Wold, many of the ladies of the village feel in need of a pointer. However, due to the aforesaid cold snap, they have been rather disappointed to discover that the gentlemen of the village do not quite stand so proud during the icy periods. Consequently, despite the expert ministrations of the village ladies, they find that the menfolk do not always rise to the occasion with the necessary alacrity, even if the woman is wearing her finest woollen erotic-arousal mittens and bobble hat – usually a sight that has the most recalcitrant of men taking a firm stand, if not taking himself in hand.

However, due to the cost of heating, the caretaker of the Little Frigging village hall has had to reduce the temperature of the heating, even on all-village orgy nights. Consequently, we on the village hall steering committee humbly suggest that all orgy-goers who feel a nip in the air should seriously consider investing – as it were – in Splodge and Sons extensive collection of fetish thermal underwear for such nights and – we are pleased to announce – that we have negotiated a substantial bulk discount with the aforesaid purveyors of fine and bespoke erotic gear for all fully-upstanding members of the village hall weekend orgy club.

So, please avail yourselves of this opportunity as soon as possible.

Thank you.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Ancient Rites

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In England’s rural areas, you can still trace elements of the ancient religions that existed long before the invention of the more recent variations on god-irritating, and some may even date back to beyond the invention of black and white television. The stories of these ancient religions featuring such archetypal characters as the wizard and his staff, the magician waving his wand, the witch and her familiar pussy, as well as gatherings around the weird woman’s steaming hot cauldron are all aspects of those ancient religions and rites, twisted through constant retellings and reinterpretations.

For example, the wizard would often get out his staff in order to help young virgins overcome their affliction and he would use his staff to assist them in the rites of passage that would turn them into women. Similarly, the wise women of the village would gather all the young men around them to stroke their familiar pussies and to learn the dark secrets of the women’s steaming cauldrons.

Not until the young men and women of the village had gone through these rites could they regard themselves as full adults, able to join with the rest of the village in those rites that still enable the denizens of England’s villages to all come together in their local village halls right up to this very day (Weather permitting).