Friday, August 29, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
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Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Of course, in the modern age Health and Safety is always a concern. Especially in situations such as an all-village orgy in the Village Hall where there is always the possibility of a mishap. Such as a gentleman bruising of the plums, or a lady having her melons mishandled.
This is why the ladies of Little Frigging always take much pleasure in the frequent Health and Safety lectures given by our very own volunteer fireman (and village blacksmith) Strom Thighhammer. The ladies are – of course – always keen to see - providing the skylight is open – his fireman’s lift when he stands proud in front of the gathered ladies.
This week, Strom gave some much-needed advice on the vexed problem of the health and safety concerns connected with the use of a stepladder in people’s erotic activities.
The ladies were –as usual – eager to get Strom’s tip into their hands. They then wanted to see for themselves how best they could insert it into their-own particular stepladder-assisted perversions. Including the very popular Assistant Librarian Full Indexing from the Rear, which as you no-doubt are aware can sometimes case the stepladder to overbalance. This especially when the assistant librarian finds herself overcome on the higher steps and cannot steady herself against any nearby shelving without risking an avalanche of hardcovers.
Afterwards, the ladies were all keen to endorse the usefulness of Strom’s health and safety lectures. A great many of the ladies expressing their gratitude for Strom’s full in-depth probing of their concerns. Many praised the lengths Strom went to in order to see every single (and married) lady in his audience fully satiated.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
There have been many interesting developments of late in both Theoretical and Applied Perversion Studies at the University of Little Frigging (formerly the Cowshed at Trouser-Quandary smallholding).
Of course, many people are familiar with current theoretical studies in the erotic arts and sciences. Particularly the research underway at Little Frigging's own Advanced Perversions Laboratory Facility. This research utilises the large Hard-On Collider in the search for the - so far theoretical – Rude and Naughty particles. Both of which are necessary to make sense of Stan Einstein's General Theory of Perversion. The use of the watermelon as specified in his Special Theory of Perversion is well-understood at both a theoretical and applied level, However, there are concerns over its practical application, especially when applied to a sub post-mistress on early-closing day.
There has been much work at the Little Frigging University Advanced Perversions Laboratory of late. Mainly into the use of the pogo-stick at village orgies, with some very interesting experimental results produced, especially when wearing knee-pads and gripping a peacock feather between the tightly-clenched buttocks of a quantity surveyor.
However, researchers have postponed research into the theoretical application of fresh cream cakes to the underside edge of a laboratory assistant. At least until the Perversion Research Council allocate the necessary research funds. Also, the professor must persuade a laboratory assistant to get out of the low-temperature custard research facility long enough to take a trip down to the cake shop to purchase the experimental materials.
Exciting times, I'm, sure you'll all (both) agree in both allied and theoretical perversions. This makes now an ideal time for anyone thinking of an in-depth study of perversion to apply to register at the University of Little Frigging.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
As with many rural villages and hamlets where the pubs stay open for as long as the patrons remain vertical, the area around Little Frigging has been the home of many sightings of strange creatures and mythical beasts. This does not include the many horror stories about Old Feebletrousers emerging from the swamp and/or the duck pond after a particularly well-refreshed evening of philosophical debate in the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage. Nor, of course, does it count the frequent sightings of creatures emerging from the local lawyer swamps in search of fresh litigation.
Beyond the above, there have also been various sightings of strange creatures up on the Little Frigging moors. There is talk of strange dark-pelted creatures that lurk in the shadows ready to pounce on unsuspecting travellers and tourists. However, these days, Grand-Uncle Stagnant finds that waiting out in the typical heavy drizzle on the moors plays havoc with his many ailments. Consequently, he prefers to stay indoors as much as possible. If he is not in the snug of the village pub, then Grand-Uncle Stagnant is usually in the hayloft with a brace of dairymaids. The dairymaids both often eager to learn all the secrets of the erotic arts he has witnessed, sampled and – often – made up on his travels around the world. As well as his frequent visits to the seedier parts of Huddersfield.
However, when the ladies of the Little Frigging Knitting and Wine Appreciation Society gather on a cold dark night, it is not the monsters that lie in wait out on the moors they talk of. It is tales of the monsters that lurk in the well-filled gentleman’s region of Strom Thighhammer’s undergatherings they discuss. The ladies all know only too well what monster lurks there and just what it takes to make it rise up from its sleep to take them in the night.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Many perverteers, when in-between dalliances, are apt to ponder the great philosophical quandaries of perversion. And why not, providing you are not impeding, say, an assistant librarian from achieving closure?
One of the great imponderables of both practical and theoretical perversion is the question about whether perversion itself is an art or a science.
There are those who would point to the aesthetic considerations necessary when, say, disporting a brace of dairymaids next to an apricot crumble and say that proves that perversion is an art. However, there are those who would say the correct way to approach, for example, an assistant librarian whilst wearing shin-pads and holding the watermelon the putative perverteer must consider several variables. Such as the angle of attack, the wind direction and how long it is until either:
a./ closing time,
b./ when the footie is on the telly.
Which is as much of a science as it is an art.
However, there is fascinating work underway in theoretical and applied perversion in the laboratories at the University of Little Frigging (formerly the cowshed at Trouser-Quandary smallholding). Here, our research into both the Rude and the Naughty particles essential for any perverse reaction to take place is undoubtedly a science. Obviously, it is one that places a lot of stress on the elbows, as well as using a large quantity of fresh strawberries, which many will also regard as an art.
It is my contention, therefore that the perverse arts and sciences are both arts and sciences. Yet they are also not arts and sciences. This because there is something in the perverse act, even if it only involves a clerical gentleman, a campanologist and a bunch of spring onions, that goes beyond the limits of both arts and sciences. Venturing into some other realm we are only now beginning to grasp the wot of.
I'm sure that, in the near future, we will return to discuss more of this fascinating subject as and when I can be arsed.