Certain women are not to be trifled with… although they may prefer the intimate application of an apple strudel. This, of course, will very much depend upon the consistency and warmness of the gentleman’s custard. So, always be careful when offering a lady of your acquaintance – or, in certain circumstances a gentleman with an interest in musicals and soft furnishings – a dollop of your finest on whatever they proffer towards you.
These days, the midweek orgy in the local village hall is a much less formal occasion than in days of yore. Therefore, what would have been beyond the pale only a few decades ago is nowadays regarded as little more than a faux pas, if not – upon occasion – de rigour. Here, I am not just speaking of the current contemporary fashion for wearing hand-knitted cardigans and slippers at midweek village orgies.
This latest craze, I’m led to believe began – innocently enough – as a comfy evening-in fetish night, which has since got well out of hand with talk in some of the more remote villages of blatant Val Doonican-themed orgy nights. This, as you can well imagine, has resulted in some very perturbed goats in those regions.
Although, naturalist have denied that this has anything to do with the sudden disappearance of butterflies in some rural areas.